As You Grow Older, You Can Grow Wiser and Healthier.

Modern Western medicine is beginning to accept the benefits of ancient Chinese experience. We, though the help of Eastern and Western science, can benefit from both.

I have taken the following suggestions from Kenneth S. Cohen’s excellent book, “The Way of Qigong and the Art and Science of Chinese Energy Healing”. According to this concept, the goal of each human is to become a wise and healthy “Sage”.

1. The sage is true to his or her nature, neither compulsively following nor rebelling against rules of conduct. The sage is capable of expressing emotions, including anger, as necessary and appropriate to the situation. He or she practices self-acceptance and is thus more accepting and understanding of others. The first step in self-acceptance is giving oneself permission to feel what one is feeling, especially if it is anger; then inner resistance and friction is lessened and much of one’s anger is already gone.

2. The epidemic of heart disease in the West may be symptomatic of our society’s preoccupation with “enjoyment or excitement”. Excitement places sudden demands on the heart. The heart is over-stimulated by our quick pace of life: by listening to and watching frightening new reports, TV violence, and having an over-infatuation with sex and romance. The most extreme form of excitement and thus the most damaging emotion for the heart is emotional shock, whether from a negative event such as the death of a loved one or from a positive event, like winning the sweepstakes. The heart likes peace and quiet. It needs a feeling of security in order to keep an even pace as it pumps energy through the body. To enhance the feeling of security, calm down, take long walks, turn off the TV and cut down on the news.

3. The spleen is damaged by pensiveness. Your inner energy becomes knotted and stuck. Pensiveness means excess concentration, and obsessive preoccupation with a concept or subject. Excess empathy also harms the spleen. Empathy is similar to compassion. The American Heritage Dictionary defines compassion as “Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it.” Empathy means that we also identify with that person’s suffering. Empathy is considered excessive and damaging to the spleen when we lose a clear recognition of boundaries, when we feel distraught and upset by someone else’s problems. Pensiveness and excess empathy, the two qualities that harm the spleen and our health, are related. When we are pensive we are preoccupied with ourselves; we are overly empathic when we are preoccupied with others.

4. Each of the major internal organs can be damaged by emotional excess. However, there are also positive emotions that can help heal the organs. The lungs are healed by “righteousness”, the sense of living with integrity and dignity, which gives your self and others a kind of psychological “elbow room”, room to live and breathe. The kidneys are healed by wisdom, by a clear perception and self-understanding, a sure antidote for irrational fears. The anger of the liver is mended with kindness. The excitability of the heart is balanced by peace, calm, and orderliness. The spleen is healed by trust, faith, honesty, confidence, and a deep belief in oneself. Trust is openness and acceptance, a feeling that emerges when one finds a common ground with another.

5. And my final advice: Lose your mind and come to your senses! Spend more time in nature, seeing nature as a positive model of health and balance. The earth supports all kinds of life, impartially and without attachment. Let your mind become quiet and your senses open to the environment. Such a cure may seem too simple, non-technical, perhaps even naïve. However, it works!

What Does It All Mean?

I have been trying to find the ultimate of the meaning in life as I grow older. Recently, reading William Saroyan’s play again, “The Time Of Your Life”, his opening lines in Act 1 seem to do as fine a job of expressing what life is about as I have found:

”In the time of your life, live – so that in that good time there shall be no ugliness or death for yourself or for any life your life touches. Seek goodness everywhere, and when it is found, bring it out of its hiding-place and let it be free and unashamed. Place in matter and in flesh the least of the values, for these are the things that hold death and must pass away. Discover in all things that which shines and is beyond corruption. Encourage virtue in whatever heart it may have been driven into secrecy and sorrow by the shame and terror of the world. Ignore the obvious, for it is unworthy of the clear eye and the kindly heart. Be the inferior of no man (or woman), nor of any man be the superior. Remember that every man is a variation of your self. No man’s guilt is not yours, nor is any man’s innocence a thing apart. Despise evil and ungodliness (selfrighteousness) , but not men of ungodliness or evil. These, understand. Have no shame in being kindly and gentle. … In the time of your life, live –- so that in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it.”

Trust The Chaos

Whatever has happened in your life, the good and the bad, here is a message to put in your pocket and remember:


On what do we
Trust our own
actions
in life?

Being right?
Being wronged?
Or attending the
Improbabilities
And always insufficient
Knowledge that requires
Being okay with the
Self-doubt of faith?

Always be reminded how
eccentrically and suddenly a
human being can be so greatly
self-convinced of imagined
wrong and how, just as
eccentrically and suddenly,
it can also be true that in the
wink of an eye, some new
grace will be born.

Transform Yourself.

Just because we’re growing older, doesn’t mean we still can’t grow smarter, and yes, we can truly create a new life for ourselves in these later years. We can gain the knowledge and courage to transform ourselves.
The key to true transformation is that nature doesn’t move forward in step-by-step movements. It takes quantum leaps all the time, and when it does, old ingredients aren’t simply recombined. New qualities can appear in our lives for the first time, an emergent property; a transformation. You have the potential, right here and now, to make use of these emergent properties. Identify them in your life, then begin to slowly and carefully modify your actions to follow the suggestions below.

Emergent Spiritual Properties

Clarity –- Instead of being overshadowed by externals, my awareness is always open to itself. Clarity feels totally alert and carefree. I can, and I will, practice this.
Knowingness –-Being in touch with the level of the mind where every question is answered. My area of knowledge is life itself and the movement of consciousness on every level. I will learn to understand this and practice it.
Reverence for life –- This means being in touch with my life force. Life isn’t limited to plants and animals – everything possesses a glowing, animated vitality. Reverence for life feels warm, being connected, exhilarating. I will get in touch with this feeling and experience it more every day.
Nonviolence –- This means being in harmony with every action I take. I can and I will create a sense of peace in every action, which will be like a force field that subdues conflict in my surroundings.
Fearlessness –- This means creating within myself a sense of total security in everything I do. To be fearless feels, therefore, like myself, a normal part of my life. Yes, I can live this way.
Wholeness – This means including everything in my life, leaving nothing out. Wholeness is a state beyond my personality. It feels solid, eternal, without beginning or end. I will meditate on this; I will begin to feel it. I will begin to live it every day.

The emergent spiritual properties listed above are not just abstract concepts. They are the properties that create you, that make you who you are. As the old saying goes; Now, just Do It.

Open Yourself To Expanded Possibilities

As we age, we may find ourselves shrinking. We may find that our bodies are growing smaller, our interests contract, our walking slows, our energy and stamina falter. Many of our relationships and circle of activities grow smaller as old friends die or move away; and our interests in physical and social activities slowly fade or escape us. We begin to feel really old, isolated, ignored by the younger, noisier world around us.
But wait, take a deep breath. Don’t despair; don’t give up on this, your precious only life. For many older people, this time can become a moment of re-awakening, re-vitalization of truly becoming born anew. You can, at this moment, become part of a spiritual and physical transfiguration process that will open new avenues of possibilities and interests for you.
Now is the time you can let go of your past, your old problems and your growing sense of isolation. Now is the time you can finally let go of that shrinking feeling and find a new sense of freedom; you can experience a new kind of happiness and a new potential for self-worth and joy.
Meditate upon the following suggestions and practice these hints for transformation during the rest of your years in the same aging body you have always called “home”.

1. Make the most of every moment, every experience.
2. Don’t obsess over the right and wrong of every decision. Just do it!
3. Stop adhering to your old self-image. You will soon discover you will be changing that old self into someone new.
4. Go beyond risks. Discover new things to do, new ways to be.
5. Trust your intuition.
6. See the possibilities in whatever happens.
7. Find the stream of joy. It’s waiting for you.
--To be continued!!

Life Is Short, But It’s W-I-D-E!

Time is not yet done with us, even as we reach our last of years. What we saw and felt then is still a part of our incompleteness and is present in our choices at this very moment.

Now, in the increased urgency of the time remaining, we still have the opportunity to achieve more completeness in our lives, in our value to ourselves and to those around us. It is important to realize that yes, our time of life is becoming short, but our saving grace is that time is also wide. As quantum physics has shown, time is of many dimensions, and even though time ticks on, we live, the universe lives, in a room that is so wide that it has no edges.

We still have time to experience many pleasures, many new friends and to experience new moments when our presence, our energy, our compassion, can make a real difference in our own aging existence and in those our lives touch.

We only need to be aware of this expansive sense of time and our own unlimited selves, then act on this new ability to do more, become more, than we ever were able to do when we were younger.

We live in opportunity. We live in possibilities. We live within greater potential that we still have, but have not yet discovered its quality hidden within us. Now is the time to find it, examine it, and make it happen, because we now have the leisure to become still, to go within, to meditate upon our wonderful potential, to take long walks and really look around us, and see all of those who are in even more need and despair then ourselves.

What can we do for ourselves, and for at least one or two others, right now? How can we find ways to make a difference in their lives, and our own life, right now? In this minute, in this day, we have the potential to transform our own life by using the experience, the talents and insights we have acquired over our long years, to invent and execute new efforts to improve and ease our lives and the lives of others.

I’m not asking myself, or you, to change the world. But maybe, in a small way, my words can change you, even a little bit. You can then change others in the same way. We can widen our lives, and find new feelings of worth and joy.

Pass these feelings on, for a more compassionately inclusive, and better, world. We’re still here. It is finally, definitely now. Lets explore this new now. Isn’t it w – i – d – e ?

Remember When?

“Be of this brightness dazed

Whose unrecking fever

Flings gold before it goes

Into voids finally

That have no measure.

Bird-sleep, moonset,

Island after island,

Be of their hush

On this tide that balance

A time, for a time.

Islands are not forever,

Nor this light again,

Tide-set, brief summer,

Be of their secret

That fears no other.”

W.S. Merwin

The First Four Books of Poems, 1952

We, who view the “summer” of our lives with deep nostalgia and regret, who are over-the-hill in statistical terms, and know it. We, who at that long-gone summertime of life, when the world was our oyster and we were convinced that all the pearls of great price were there for us, just waiting for our eager fingers to grab them so we could live happily ever after.

What happened to that summer? Who is that old, wrinkled person who now stares back at us in the mirror? To some of us, that moment in time comes as a great shock. Why, only yesterday we had that wonderful job, the promising career that stretched out before us, advancement upon advancement, waiting for us just around the next corner. That young, beautiful or handsome life’s partner, with the dimples and bright smile, those seductive eyes only seeing us, their one and only, their perfect love?

Where is it all now, where has it all gone? Who was I then, who am I now? What reality is there left for me now, when my steps falter in the slow slog toward my failed happiness? Why can my poor eyes with their drooping lids no longer see the beauty and promise of my lifetime love and my poor, threadbare hopes?

This, my friend, is what aging is all about. This is what we, when of a certain age, are finally forced to face up to; in the bathroom mirror, in the puzzled eyes of our grandchildren, in the shy looks of our equally puzzled friends. Where were we when all those years passed and when we somehow weren’t aware of the passing?

So, what can we do about it now, after we finished reading all of the self-help columns and books and listening to the lectures of younger friends and experts? What can we do now to really, truly help ourselves when we sit in this muddy pool of sudden self-awareness as the real truth of our life gazes back at us from our too-truthful mirror?

Are you ready for the answer? Why not? What have you got to lose? Lets explore our final future, our next day, month, the few years left on this planet. Beginning now, stop squandering any more of these precious moments you have left in denial and self-delusion. Start to re-create yourself and begin to construct the new, refreshed last days that you have, in really living.

How can we exchange the old-fashioned way of being old and has-beens into something new, revolutionary, a self-fulfilling prophecy of hope and revitalization in our minds, relationships and bodies, which can regenerate itself into a new kind of aging of our old age?

In the following weeks and months, I suggest that we try to go beyond all the old self-help information out there and formulate real self-help concepts which will fit our own years, our own life-styles with new, improved ways that may help us finish the last drops of precious life we still have left – all the way to the very end.

I can’t do it for you. I can only try to figure it out for myself in my own mind, body and circumstance. But maybe as I do my work, you can adapt what I am doing and you can do it for yourself.

Between us, maybe we can help each other. After all, what do we have to lose?

Richard E. Reed, Not Another Old Fart

Learning To Live As We Grow Old

Aging is like a traffic accident. We are walking, whistling probably, and as we cross a street we are blindsided by a truck. The truck is old age; silent, invisible, lurching up at us in the midst of our still youthful stride, amid our sweet thoughts that are a million miles away from anything as banal as reality.

Weren’t we supposed to live forever, to finally learn the secrets of success, to satisfy dreams and resolve the festering wounds of youth, adulthood and middle age? Don’t we get some reward for all the pain, self-pity and passionate denial of a life, which requires the inevitability of sickness, sad endings and death?

Probably not, we realize, as we watch us pick ourselves up in the middle of the speeding days of our metaphorical life. You mean, there is, really, an end to it, an end to us, somewhere out there? Is this all there is?

Yes, life’s blinking traffic light tells us. This is all there is.

So maybe, just maybe, you … we … every one of us who are now older than we once were; should begin to stop, look, and listen, or at least pause a little and think. Let’s consider the consequences of our inability to clearly see, and maybe think about, where we are going, and why? Maybe, we will begin to realize this; by trying to ignore the absolute fact that we are, indeed, going to be dead any day soon, we are also ignoring and certainly not appreciating the precious days we have remaining.

Have we really been living these last many years, and days, and hours? Or have we simply been sleep walking, dreaming instead of doing, eating and drinking but not tasting, listening but not hearing, losing touch by not reaching out?

Make friends by being a friend, even though it’s often difficult finding that special heart connection. Volunteer your time instead of wasting it. Laugh more. Make others laugh. Relish the passing, precious moments. Help others, as well as yourself, to learn to live and love every day. Get on board of that old truck and learn to live like you’ve never lived before.

Fading Memories

He: “We met at nine.”

She: “We met at eight.”

He: “I was on time.

She: “No, you were late.”

He: “Ah, yes! I remember it well.”

---

He: “That dazzling April moon!”

She: “There was none that night.”

“And the month was June.”

He: “That’s right! That’s right!”

She: “It warms my heart to know that

you remember still the way you do.”

He: “Ah yes! I remember it well.”

---

He: “You wore a gown of gold.”

She: “It was all in blue.”

He: “Am I getting old?”

She: “Oh no! Not you!”

“How strong you were,

how young and gay;

A prince of love in every way.”

He: “Ah yes!” I remember it well.

---

n I Remember It Well, by Lerner & Loewe

We, who are fortunate enough to have reached “that certain age” – when memories begin to fade, when we finally have to admit that many of those old hopes and dreams are never going to come true; that this, this present moment, is the only life we are ever going to have – then maybe, if we’re lucky, we will decide that what we have accomplished throughout our life; who we really were and have become, is enough.

This, indeed, is the beginning of the final end. This is all there is and ever will be, and there isn’t going to be anything else to make us smarter, happier, luckier. We have finally spun out our life’s personal dream. No god, no special diet, no self-help book, or new love in our life, will rescue us now. This is the beginning of the end, indeed, for us and for all those we hold dear.

But this moment, this final moment, can become a beautiful new awakening in itself. Even as our memories fade, we can continue to hold onto all them – the good and the bad – and truly accept the value of our past life. The essential meaning of our actions in our life will live on in the others whom we have touched.

And if we are lucky, really lucky in this world of chance and chaos, we may still have someone by our side who can help us remember the good times (and the bad!), to help us feel truly alive until that very, very last moment.

Then we can whisper to each other:

“How strong you were,

how young and gay;

a prince (princess) of love in every way!’

A Vitally Important Conversation

Dear Richard,

Earlier this spring, Stephen Wallace of Benton City, Washington received a diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer. With an estimated month to live - and having watched his wife suffer in agonizing pain as cancer overtook her body years earlier - Stephen was adamant about his wish to use the state's new Death with Dignity law.

But when he talked to his doctors at Kadlec Medical Center in Richland about accessing the Death with Dignity law, he found none would support his decision.

Even though the hospital board had voted to allow its doctors to participate in the law, none would. Nor would any of the other area doctors that Stephen and his family desperately contacted in subsequent weeks.

Last Tuesday, Stephen did, in fact, die in excruciating pain. His cancer had spread to his kidneys, liver and lungs, making him unable to speak, stand or eat - precisely the fate he wished to avoid.

Stephen's story is far from uncommon.

Countless Americans discover far too late that their doctors will not honor their end-of-life wishes. They're left with the distressing need to find a new doctor to care for them, or subordinate their rights and wishes to the belief system of a doctor they have trusted for years.

Avoiding this hardship is the goal of Compassion & Choices' spring communications campaign. We call it,"Getting Your Health Care House in Order." We urge everyone to simply talk with their doctors about personal values, wishes and questions about end-of-life care ... and find out where they stand.

Having that conversation now is the best way to avoid a disturbing surprise or difficult transition later. Unfortunately, your doctor is unlikely to broach this subject with you. It's almost always up to you, the patient.

You might wonder how to begin this conversation without seeming morbid. I humbly offer a few openers for your consideration:

• "I just read about a study that found all that high technology at the end of life doesn't work and just causes suffering. Do you know I wouldn't want that?"

• "My relative (or friend or acquaintance) had a terrible death, hooked up to tubes and machines. I think I'd just want to be home with my family. What do you think about a decision like that?"

• "I love so much about my life - being active, loving my family. If none of that were possible anymore, I'd like to go out peacefully, without a lot of heroics. Does that fit with your medical philosophy?"

If the conversation reveals a physician seriously out of sync with your values and beliefs, find another whom you feel you can trust to honor your wishes. As we often say, "When you're dying is no time to find out your core beliefs and your doctor's are incompatible."

If you're uncomfortable having this conversation with your doctor in person, broach the subject with a letter. You can download Compassion & Choices' free "Letter to My Doctor" here and mail it or hand-deliver it to your doctor at your next appointment.

Call us at Compassion & Choices (1-800-247-7421) if you'd like to report on how your conversation went. We'd love to hear from you.

Sincerely,

Barbara Coombs Lee

President, Compassion & Choices

P.S. May we suggest forwarding this email to a friend or loved one? Spreading the word about the importance of talking to one's doctor about end-of-life choice is one of the most important steps that anyone can take to protect their rights and secure their peace of mind. You'll be doing someone a favor by sharing this message with them today.

Compassion & Choices is supported by contributions from people like you. Your gift today will help us provide consultation services free of charge to terminally ill clients and their families, educate physicians, lawmakers and the media, and advocate for improved patient care and expanded choice at the end of life.

Stop Thinking of Yourself As "Old".

We often live a self-fulfilling prophesy. As we age, we start unconsciously to begin mimicking the other older people around us. And often, those older people unconsciously begin to mimic their aged or already dead parents or grandparents – they slow down, shuffle when they walk, become bent over and stop doing the activities they used to love. They become “old” before your eyes, and suddenly you find yourself following them, slowing your own rhythm and walking away from a more vigorous life.

Of course, our body does lose its resilience and energy as we age. But scientists are finding that our brain need not grow “old” as fast as our muscles and joints. We can continue to “think young”, try new things, find new experiences; and surprisingly, this helps our body to create a new life of its own as well.

As everyone should know by now, the basis of good health are diet and exercise. Just because we are aging, this does not require us to stop (or even slow down) our everyday need to eat right and exercise as much as we can.

To help us keep up with these two life-giving necessities of our own life, maybe we need to search out younger friends and groups of younger (or younger-thinking) people who will help us keep up a littler faster pace in our daily existence.

And we also need to keep our brain in tip-top shape as well: by reading the books we love, by participating in discussion groups and going to the theater, by finding friends who enjoy discussing the topics of the day, and yes, by discussing how we all can learn, through our body and our mind, to continue to “think young” even as we grow older.

The ancient statement, “You’re only as old as you feel”, is still true. As you look around your world, seek out those older folks who seem to stand out among the crowd because of their positive attitude and bright spirits. Get to know them and follow their example. There’s a good chance that through their own healthy diet and exercise – and healthy outlook on life – they have found what you are looking for.

They have stopped thinking of themselves as “old”. They are now thinking and working on squeezing every bit of joy out of every minute they have left.

What better way is there to pass the time you have left?

“It’s Only A Few Degrees From Perfect.”

You walk into a room for a meeting or a party. You exclaim, “Oh, my gosh, it’s so cold in here!” Then, you either walk out or you spend the rest of the time feeling miserable, cold, and unhappy.

What if a friend next to you had smiled and replied, “Why, it’s only a few degrees from perfect.” What could you do then? Could you borrow a sweater, ask to have the thermostat turned up, or really listen to what your friend has just said and realize that your momentary discomfort need not spoil the experience you are about to have, destroying the comfort and enjoyment with your friends or colleagues, these precious moments, this never-again-to-experience-day?

Or, how about the rest of your life?

As we grow older, we gradually realize that it’s no fun venturing onto the other side of 50, 60, or 70 years. Our bodies grow more sensitive to changes in temperature, our spirits yearn for comfortable old experiences, old foods, old friends which are already inexorably slipping away. We find ourselves more and more uncomfortable with the vibrancy of youthful people, styles, and activities. We begin to feel cold, pain-ridden, and more and more alone.

Are we being isolated by old age, or are we isolating ourselves? A recent study found that 20 percent of all Americans are, at any given time, unhappy because of social isolation. As we age, this percentage grows, as we physically, emotionally and spiritually allow ourselves to grow more isolated.

Most of those negative feelings of “I’m too cold,” or, “I’m too old” – the feelings of who we are and what we are that diminish ourselves and our lives -- are what some call “habitual consciousness”. These are bad habits that we can change, because we are holding onto learned misunderstandings of our human fragility which have a potential self-defeating futility that can easily plunge us into the sad slide of aging despair.

We are better than that. We know better than that. We are more resilient than that. We can change this habit into something positive, healthier and more constructive. We can listen and learn from the friend who exclaims, “It’s only a few degrees from perfect!” We can realize that it’s up to us, each one of us, who have the power, and the imagination, and the creativity, to turn even the most uncomfortable situations around into a new realities of self-affirmation, self-empowerment.

Whatever situation in which you find yourself, realize that this is you now, this is where you are now, and this is the single most important instant you have in order to make yourself feel better, be a better and stronger person, to celebrate who you are and why you are here.

You are here now, you have come all the way to here after all those years, because you have really been perfect from the very beginning of your arrival on this planet. Whatever the temperature at this moment, however way you and your body feels at this moment, you – your essential and eternal self -- are only just a few degrees from that stage of perfection which has always been the fundamental “you” all of your long life.

Listen to your friend. It isn’t so cold. It isn’t so bad. It doesn’t hurt that much. You aren’t really alone. Everything is actually so close to perfect – because you are!

Now, go tell a friend.

Find a friend.

Be a friend.

Ready For The Genung Syndrome?

     Many thanks to Dr. Jennifer Soyke of Eugene, OR for finally putting a catchy name on that process which nobody wants to think about, much less talk about – death and dying. In her recent essay in the Journal of the American Medical Association, she recalls a visit with  an elderly patient who was dying at home, surrounded by her friends and family.

         “She looked patrician, elevated and transported, and then was gone. When the family discussed what she had actually died of, they decided her end of life couldn’t be summed up in a medical diagnosis, which seemed incongruent with her whole long life and spirit. They finally decided that she had died of “Genug Syndrome”, a word in Yiddish meaning ‘Enough!’, or usually, ‘Enough, already!’”

         When you look up the phrase on your computer you will find dozens of references to Dr. Soyke’s new quasi-medical phrase. Even the august Chicago Tribune’s blog has written about it and published readers’ responses to it.

         One response especially struck me: “Can we start to educate ourselves and others to say ‘Genug’ when life becomes too difficult to sustain? Can we help each other grow up and accept the reality of death? We need to talk about these issues while we are still active and well.”

The Denial of Death

         Awarded the Pulitzer Prize in 1974, “The Denial of Death” was Dr. Ernest Becker’s brilliant and impassioned book, the culmination of his life’s work and philosophy. In it he calls for humankind to celebrate everyone’s impending death by enriching every moment throughout each person’s life.

         Dr. Becker confronts the universal aversion of thinking or talking about the absolute inevitability of death, of ceasing to exist, of the end of our consciousness, our being, our ego. This denial of our ultimate demise takes an enormous toll on every day of our lives. The denial of this ultimate reality can effectively kill an essential part of what makes us human. As a result, we lose our ability to fully accept our gift of life; this reduces the courage required to do the work and take the risks of a fully-lived life.

 

         A Fully-Lived Life

         What does it require? Shall we allow our denial of our eventual death to mar our rich and deep complexity, our unlimited potential for living life? This denial reduces who we are and relegates us to a mere medical diagnosis at the end. Even as we take our last breath, we are indeed more than just the breakdown of multiple organ systems.

         We can be the satisfying culmination of a rich life and a proud legacy. We can be, even at the very last moment, elevated and transported, and then be gone like a whisper… leaving the sweet music of a fully lived life, eternally reverberating in the minds and hearts of all those that knew us and loved us.

         When we are finished, may we, each of us,, and all our dear friends and loving family, say “Enough, already!”

May we all die of ‘The Genug Syndrome’.

 

You Are Getting Older, And You’re Also Getting Better!

         You may no longer be the “hot babe” or the “handsome hunk” you used to be; so what? Some things do improve with age – fine wine, good cheese, even Galapagos tortoises. They never age. Scientists say, and they should know, that Galapagos tortoises lose none of their strength or physical functions as they grow older.

         Well, we’re not tortoises, we are human beings, and although we may physically change (look in the mirror!), there are many ways we become better, wiser, more able to navigate the tides of yearly wear and tear.

         We are now part of the “silver tsunami”, older Americans who are the fastest growing segment of the national population. We are experiencing the changes in our bodies that are the inevitable part of normal human aging: our muscles lose strength, our skin gets thinner and more easily damaged; the lenses of our eyes become thicker, so we have a harder time reading small print and driving at night. We may even notice in the mirror that our nose and ears are a little longer, our eyebrows grow a bit faster.

         As we notice these superficial, but critical  physical changes, we must also  be aware of the many benefits of aging. We gain wisdom as well as experience. We can learn to make better decisions, thanks to our earlier mistakes.

Life can become smoother and less worrisome as we prepare for this very interesting second half of life. We join the growing number of “successful agers” by maintaining and indeed strengthening our physical and mental health by improving our diet with more vegetables and fewer fatty foods, more exercise for body and mind and less “couch potato” lifestyles. We build stronger social networks of friends and family around us for greater community, comfort, security and enjoyment.

And now we have the time to give back to our community by offering our energy and expertise to local groups such as hospitals, hospice care, children’s reading and mentoring programs, senior’s programs, and the many other organizations that need our help.

This is how we turn our “olden years” into golden years! We now have the freedom to create a new life, and maybe a new profession as well, after retirement, after our children have grown, after we have successfully survived those youthful challenges and middle-aged responsibilities. Finally, we can look forward to helping ourselves by helping others -- gathering a new kind of gold in our golden years.

Learn To Live In The “Now”

“Now” is a bearable burden. What buckles the back

         is the added weight of the past’s mistakes and

         the future’s fears.

         I had to learn to close the front door to tomorrow

         and the back door to yesterday and settle down

         to here and now. – Anon

 

         How much of your day, and sleepless night, do you dedicate to your past, or to your future; to the “what could have been’s” to the “what if’s?” If you’re like most of us, you usually aren’t really present in the here and now, even when you’re  fully awake. We spend too much of our lives in that perpetual dream-state of past regrets and future anxiety. This tendency is a bad habit that takes over our lives, diminishing our potential for a better, happier life, a life that gives us the ability to be fully engaged.

         Like most bad habits, this one can be removed from your life, or at least modified. First, in order to detect and define what this past and future dislocation feels like, catch yourself in your day dreams and night anxieties, when you are aware that your more peaceful present is being shoved aside. Then open your awareness to the real  present, this special precious moment when you can relax and make decisions that will benefit you and give you pleasure. This is your intention, the authentic “here and now”, the realization and commitment that you are in charge.

         Then, after feeling the surging power and pleasure of being here, inside your own skin and now, in this unique moment of your life, you can create an on-going attention to how you are really feeling, how you are in control of your consciousness and how you can immediately take whatever action your self-enhancing decisions requires.

         Allow yourself to feel each precious moment. Don’t “should yourself”, don’t do what other people have told you that you should or should not do. Unlearn all the bad habits and bad teachings you’ve learned in the past.

         Realize that this is your true freedom – the freedom to make your own decisions in your own time, without parents, priests or parsons, friends or enemies, to tell you what you should do or should not do. This is your life and you have the inalienable right to live it by your own wisdom and your own decisions.

         Kick the habit of mindless heeding what other people in other times told you. Be your own boss in the truest sense of the word. Begin right now to create your new intention to be truly present in every moment. Pay attention to those subtle moments whenever you find yourself losing touch with your present, your reality and humanity.

         Remember Mr. Anon’s advice: “Learn to close the front door to tomorrow and the back door to yesterday, and settle down to your own here and now.”

                                    ###

         (Want to respond, comment, suggest? Contact: rreed@ram-mail.com)

 

Coming Alive At 75

“Nothing happens to me anymore …

       that’s the reality of getting old.”

 

It doesn’t have to happen that way. “Getting old” … at age 55, 65, even 85 … doesn’t have to be the end of your real life, but instead can be the beginning  of interesting, even exciting new chapters in the life you have left.

         Many studies have shown that by keeping active at any age, not just physically but also mentally, by accepting opportunities, responsibilities and challenges every day of your life, you can indeed keep younger in spirit, vital and alive, eager to face another day, every day.

         Look around you. Walk down your street. Read your local paper. An invalid neighbor might need a little help. Local square dance groups need another partner. Social service agencies need volunteers of any age. Little children need someone to read to them, to help them spell. Old folks need someone to sit and listen to their stories. You can fill any one of these needs.

         There are also paying positions out there just waiting for you; stores and companies need older workers who are dependable, experienced, willing to fill-in part time or full time.

         Want to learn a new career? Ready to become a painter, a sculptor, a medical care worker? Community colleges are gearing up to bring retired folks back into meaningful hobbies and professional second careers.

         Become a student again. Relive your earlier productive life by creating a new life for yourself, by finding new friends who are interested in you and what you’re doing, and learn to enjoy the thrill of new responsibilities and new horizons.

         Being old is only numbers. Being alive to new challenges, new pleasures and new friends is who you can become right now. Make something wonderful happen for you today … for your sake and for all of those who need your help, your experience, your creativity, the valuable, unique person you were yesterday and still are today. 

Learning To Live With Loneliness

Where has the world gone to
Since I reached the age of 65?
Where are the friends and followers
Who crowded around those early years;
Those few, a very few, too few, still alive?
I look back longingly at cold coals, the fire
That once burned in me with such joy and strife,
The lost moments and quiet folds of those dallying
Days when loafers and lovers lived along with me.
Now, in this deathly quiet of my lonely living room,
I am often alone, too often alone, too much alone, ever all alone.
- RER

When we age, we lose more than our youth. We lose our loved ones, our acquaintances, our connections with the world we once knew. As our social circles shrink, our tenuous grip on life and all it means to us is wizened and grayed along with the hair on our head and the skin droopingly covering our weakening hands and blurring face.

As our world becomes smaller, our remembered lives wither and fade as we lose our friends. In many recent surveys, about 22 percent of those surveyed were “emotionally lonely”, feeling alone, left out, lacking in close companionships.” Sixteen percent were “socially lonely”, feeling they had no one to talk to or turn to, that they didn’t really belong to any group. Another 19 percent were “isolated”, experiencing both social and emotional loneliness.

The result? We die sooner. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, an estimated 14 of every 100,000 people age 65 and older died by suicide in 2004, a higher rate than the general population. In addition, depressed lonely seniors may be at risk of early mortality, literally dying of loneliness because life no longer holds meaning when there are no longer friends or loved ones to share it.

These studies also report “good news”: as many as 40 percent of seniors still feel “connected”, feeling neither socially nor emotionally lonely. These seniors found new friends, joined special interest groups as varied as bird watching, book clubs and square dancing.

They also volunteer to help the hundreds of non-profit social and educational organizations that enhance the communal good. These elder volunteers have recreated their lives, rejuvenating themselves by passing on their experience, wisdom and energy to the next generations. No matter how old, ill, or physically handicapped, senior volunteers can make great positive changes in their communities.

Start searching the local telephone books, newspapers, and social agencies to find a newjob, a new life, and a new career of helping others. Don’t “retire” yourself to a life of worthlessness and loneliness. Your neighbors need you. Your new yet unmet friends need you. A new, happier, richer life awaits you.

Finding Your 2nd Wind At Age 45 (Or 55)

We need to start thinking about aging before we grow older. Whether we’re 40 years old, 50, or (gasp!) even older, we’re soon going to lose a step in our race for the prize, forget where we left our glasses, even wonder who that person is looking back at us in our mirror.

A recent international study revealed that men and women in their 40s were more likely to be depressed; middle-aged people aren’t as happy as either younger people or much older people. During this middle-age time of life, we begin to begin to understand that we aren’t going to achieve our wonderful youthful often-unrealistic dreams of success and fulfillment. We realize that we’re never going to be as beautiful, thin, strong, rich and famous as we had hoped.

So this is the time, our middle years, for us to get our dream-like expectations into line with what we can actually achieve. There is still hope, there is still promise. We can still become more actualized. We can now enjoy a fulfilling, enriching second half of life.

How do we rise out of our depression and broken dreams? First we celebrate our past achievements and set goals for our second half of life, goals which are more realistic and do-able. This is the time for honest self-appraisal, a habit-breaking opportunity for a deep and refreshing “second wind” that will carry us into a more successful future. We can do it. We can be happy. Statistics show that most depressed middle-agers bounce back and become happier and more satisfied with life as they reach their 50s, 60s, and 70s.

How do we do it? First, stop being afraid of growing old or of being old; aging brings wisdom. We learn from our mistakes, because a mistake can be an opportunity in disguise. We can become lucky, because luck is often just knowing, through experience, when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em. Life takes on new meaning. We learn to smile more, and people will smile back at us more often. We learn about life by living it more deeply and fully, savoring the hidden flavors which we were in too much of a hurry to notice when we were young.

There is research suggesting that cheerful people actually live longer lives. Possibly, they want to live longer because they have finally gained the wisdom to see that they don’t have to be rich to enjoy the simple richness of every day, don’t have to be beautiful to enjoy the beauty around them. There are hundreds of recent studies which prove that through positive mental and social stimulation,and regular exercise and proper diet, we can remain healthy and happy well into our 80s and 90s.

We must step into this new view of aging, and step out of that middle-age sense of “poor me” or “what-might-have-been.” We must begin a new enlightened age and realize that a better and happier life is just waiting to happen, starting at this very moment, as we turn the corner at age 40, or 50, or 60.

Why Would I Want To Be A Hospice Volunteer?

Why would I want to spend time with, to even think of caring for, a stranger? I have always been afraid of death and dying; I’m even afraid of getting sick. I have enough problems of my own, and I’m still young, sort of, and I have a lot of living to do.

Well, it took me a while to change my mind. I first become a volunteer at McKenzie-Willamette Hospital after I cut my leg with a chain saw. They fixed me up so beautifully that I had to show some gratitude. I became their part-time mailman, delivering information and packages to every one of the hospital’s departments, even to the emergency room where I had already spent some not-volunteer time.

I soon became accustomed to seeing and being with sick people, and dying people, and babies just born. I realized there was a rhythm to life: being born, living, getting sick and old, and dying.

Most people want to die at home, but too many die in the hospital. I saw empty beds that used to hold sick people with whom I had become acquainted as I walked the corridors and special units; many of them did not check out of the hospital to go home.

Soon I heard about hospice, a program in which dying people could remain in their own beds at home. I began asking around and one thing led to another. I’ve been a hospice volunteer for over five years now and have cared for many wonderful, dying people.

Amazingly, it is the most important, the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my long life. I will continue to be a hospice volunteer until someone else volunteers for me.

Why? Let me tell you about Mr. B. I met Mr. B, in his 80’s, in a small, bare nursing home room with only a leafless myrtle tree and a few sparrows outside the one window to keep him company. He was a loner. He had no family, and he lay dying in the last stages of emphysema and a failing heart. The first time I saw him, Mr. B was lying naked under a sheet, skin and bones, hardly able to breathe.

I was taught in my hospice training that my job as a volunteer was to spend time with the patient for an hour or more, one or two times a week, to ease the strain on the loved-one who was giving care at home, or to offer personal contact and help to a patient in a care facility. The best advice I was ever given, was “to sit down, shut up, and listen.”

I did just that as I sat beside Mr. B’s bed, watching him struggle for breath, wondering if he would be like many of my other hospice clients whom I visited only once or twice, after which they promptly died. As if to answer my thoughts, Mr. B opened one eye, his grizzled beard hiding a lean jaw and blue grey lips. “Who in the hell are you?” he whispered.

I told him, and added that I was there to spend some time with him. He chewed on that for a while, then opened the other bloodshot eye. “What good is that?” he said, closing both eyes.

Over the weeks, I came back and continued being there with him, listening to the oxygen pump keeping him alive, hearing the moaning, the calling out and the crying from the rooms around us, aware of the facility staff passing my in the hallway. Little by little, he began to open his eyes during my visits, and tell me his story.

Mr. B was born in Mississippi; both his parents died when he was still a child. He grew up in an Catholic orphanage where most of the nuns were uninterested, but one nun who played the piano, took an interest in him. From her, he learned not only to play but to love music; he grew passionate about beautiful music and the great classical music traditions of the ages. As a grown man, he never found a real job, never used his love of music to earn a living. He had spent most of his long life being alone, traveling the rails throughout the West as a hobo, looking out of the dusty windows of fleabag hotels when flush, and sleeping under bridges when penniless.

But Mr. B loved music. And I loved music. I would come to the care facility for an hour and stay for two, arguing with him about who was the best German composer of the 19th Century, or which conductor did a better job with Mozart. 
After a week or two, he propped up his head on his pillow; soon after, he began to sit up in bed, his birdlike chest heaving with every argument. In a month, I came into his room to find him wearing pajama tops. After another month, I would find him standing, clothed, brushing his teeth when I arrived.

I learned more from Mr. B about music and about being a human being than I learned in all the colleges I had attended and all of the philosophy I had ever read. In the ten months I spent being a friend to Mr. B, I saw his health deteriorate, then rebound. At times, he could hardly lift his head from his pillow, but he often grew more animated as we talked. He began to tell me about his fear of dying and fear of the unknown. We talked about how growing old was not for sissies. Then we would talk about music and argue until he fell asleep.

On December 30, I visited Mr. B. Several care facility and hospice professionals were crowded around his bed. I knew Mr. B was really and truly dying this time. After they left, Mr. B opened that one eye again. “Richard,” he whispered, “talk to me”.

I sat down beside him and held his bony hand. I talked to him about music. I talked to him about living and dying. I sang songs and recited a few halting lines of poetry while he slipped into unconsciousness.

On New Year’s Eve, I called the care facility and talked with the head nurse on duty. Mr. B was resting comfortably, she assured me. I asked her if she would sit with him for a while that night, just to be there with him. She promised me that she would.

On January 2nd of that New Year, one of the social workers at Cascade Hospice called me. Mr. B had passed away on the first morning of the New Year with little pain.

* * *

Cascade Hospice, a non-profit organization originally created by Springfield’s own McKenzie-Willamette Hospital, is dedicated to providing medical care and comfort to a patient after his or her doctor has decided that the patient has six or less months to live. Cascade provides a dedicated staff of doctors, nurses, social workers, even massage and bathing specialists for in-home care or nursing home care to ease the distress of the patient and the burden on the patient’s care giving loved one or loving friend.

The telephone number of Cascade Hospice at Cascade Health Solutions is:

541-228-3050.

Sacred Heart Medical Center also has a fine hospice program at:

541-461-7550.

Create A Plan Of Action For Your Golden Years

As each day passes, every one of us, our parents, ourselves, our loved ones, our friends, is aging. If we are lucky, we will grow older gracefully, live out healthy lives, and die peacefully in our sleep.

Unfortunately, many of us won’t. Many of us may have a long, lingering illness and a difficult death; our declining mental and physical health will require a “caregiver” to help us through this passage. Before that may happen, we may well have the role of “caregiver” placed upon us, if and when a parent or loved one requires this life-changing service from us. For most of us who aren’t medical professionals, this is a new and difficult role, one which we may not expect or even desire. No matter which scenario happens first, caregiving for you or your loved one, this is the time to create a plan of action for those last golden and often stressful years.

An organization which has given a great deal of study and thought to this growing national problem is AARP, the premier voice for retired people and those facing the facts of aging. Though each person’s experience is unique, caregivers face many common challenges. Here is some recent information AARP has provided which can help us consider the situation and create our own plan of action:

Less time for personal and family life.
Caregiving takes time; as a result, caregivers have less time to spend with other family members or less leisure time for themselves.

The need to balance job and care giving responsibilities.
Caregiving tasks, such as taking a parent to the doctor, or talking to a social worker about community services, usually must be done during work hours. This can present problems on the job.

Financial hardships.
The products and services associated with providing care can be costly. Those costs can quickly add up.

Physical and emotional stress.
Caregiving can be physically and emotionally stressful, especially for those providing intense levels of care for long periods of time.

Most people do not prepare to be caregivers. The following are some steps that new caregivers can take to address their loved ones’ needs.

Determine housing options and preferences.
Are our older relatives still able to move freely and do things around the house?

Have they thought about living somewhere else? Options to consider could include staying in their current home with some changes or with some help; moving into a retirement community or some form of assisted living; living with relatives or others; or entering a nursing home.

Learn the medical history.
Do they have any medical conditions or health problems that are hindering their ability to live independently?

Who are their doctors?

What medications do they take?

If our parents are unclear about the details, it may be necessary to go with them on their next visit to the doctor.

Make a list of people in their personal support system.
Get contact information for everyone on the list. These could include emergency contacts, other close friends and relatives, neighbors, members of their church, housing managers, and others.

Create a financial profile.
List sources of income, such as Social Security and pensions, extended care insurance, monthly and yearly income.

List expenses, bank accounts and investments, and statements of net worth.

Get important account numbers in case these are needed in an emergency.

Review legal needs.
Determine which legal documents are needed, for example; wills, advance directives such as living wills and health proxy forms, trusts, powers of attorney, etc.

Find out where they keep important documents such as their birth certificate, deed to their home and insurance policies.

Gather information about services that can provide help.
These services include home care, adult day care services, home-delivered meals, and help with everyday activities.

Many caregivers get so caught up in providing care for others that their own needs go unmet. Here are some tips that can help caregivers take care of themselves – especially when they’re caring for others:

Take care of our own health.
Eat properly, get regular exercise, and set aside some time each week to do something to enjoy.

Speak up when support or assistance is needed.
Ask for help from family and friends before getting to the breaking point.

Find out about services that help caregivers.
Care/case management from a social service agency may be able to link our loved ones to benefits, services, and adult day services. Ask about respite care that can give a break to the caregiver and about support groups , both in the community and on the Internet.

Seek help or training to improve care giving skills.
Hospitals, volunteer organizations like the Alzheimer’s Association and community service agencies are good places to look for appropriate training programs.

Thanks to organizations like AARP, aging can become less difficult for us and for our loved ones. A little planning now will go a long way to help ease the path to and through those “golden years”. It’s never too early to start, never too early to plan for the inevitable, never too early to live life to its fullest for every precious moment and day we have left.